Sunday, July 20, 2014

A Pre-Red Eye Conversation With My Body

(Note: I will write a Red Eye race report soon. However, this exchange can serve as a little prologue.)

Saturday, July 19, 2014.  9:00 A.M.  Bedford, Indiana.

Jo's Body: Jo! Jo! Wake up!
Jo: What? Why?
Body: It's Saturday.
Jo: I'm sleeping in.
Body: We run long on Saturdays! You've overslept!
Jo: Oh. Yeah. No. I forgot to tell you about that.
Body: We aren't running?
Jo: No, we are. We're doing things a little differently this weekend, though.
Body: Oh. OK. What's up?
Jo: Instead of one long run, we're going to start a little later and break it up into three smaller runs over a 12-hour period.
Body: That's easy. 
Jo: (pause) Yeah... 
Body: (pause) What aren't you telling me?
Jo: Well, the 12 hours are going to be overnight.
Body: Overnight? When do we sleep?
Jo: We don't.
Body: Surely you can sleep in between runs.
Jo: No. We have to drive our teammates to their exchange points on dark, winding, potholed, backwoods roads, and encourage and support them.
Body: Teammates? We're relaying?
Jo: Yes.
Body: Sleep deprived relaying?
Jo: Yes. It's called the Red Eye Relay.
Body: Cute. Can we take a nap today?
Jo: We can try, but we will be unsuccessful.
Body: OK. So if you're sleep depriving me, surely you're going to give me some excellent fuel.
Jo: About that...
Body: Oh, no.
Jo: We're going to subsist on Saltines, animal crackers, jelly beans, and one small piece of pepperoni pizza.
Body: Jo. We have Crohn's disease.
Jo: I am aware. It's just for one night. 
Body: Can't I have a banana or some apples?
Jo: No. I'll give you fruit-flavored Gatorade and plenty of water, though, since you insist on sweating so much.
Body: Gee, thanks. I'm helping to cool you, you dork. I'm going to remind you in the early morning hours that the pizza was a bad idea.
Jo: Fair enough. Also, we're going to have to be the team statistician.
Body: Being a mathematician is your department, not mine. How far are we going?
Jo: I'm going to tell you 15.5 mi., but it's going to be more than 16 because I'm going to make a wrong turn, and one course is measured incorrectly.
Body: That's doable, even though you are denying me sleep and basic nutrition. (pause) There's something else you aren't telling me.
Jo: Well, we're going to go a little faster than usual.
Body: How much faster?
Jo: About 1.5-min. per mile faster.
Body: That's half marathon pace!
Jo: Look who's the mathematician, now.
Body: Hey-o! Elevation?
Jo: It's going to be hilly.
Body: Define hilly.
Jo: Over 3,000 feet of elevation change.
Body: What?! Nothing too steep, I hope?
Jo: Well...
Body: Oh, no.
Jo: There's one hill that's pretty steep.
Body: Like, higher than a 6% grade?
Jo: Yes.
Body: How much higher?
Jo: 12%.
Body: 12% grade?!
Jo: No, 12% higher. 18% grade. 
Body: WHAT?! JO!
Jo: It's only a quarter-mile long, though.
Body: "Only." I won't let you run it. I'll make you hike it.
Jo: Fine. 
Body: You are such a champ at hills. They never kill races for you. This is a really good idea, especially deprived of basic needs.
Jo: Stop being sassy.
Body: "Hi, pot. I'm the kettle..."
Jo: Really original.
Body: May I ask what the reward is for completing this endeavor?
Jo: It's going make us stronger and prepare us to handle unusual stressors, like November's Monumental Marathon.
Body: Good heavens. That again?
Jo: Yes. Why do you think we've been running 30-mi. weeks in July? Plus, you did so well at Monumental last year...
Body: Sarcasm becomes you. I got you to the finish, didn't I?
Jo: Walking. After passing out on Mile 23.
Body: Our pelvis was fractured.
Jo: I didn't know it.
Body: I tried to tell you.
Jo: You're a horrible communicator.
Body: No, you don't listen. Kind of like you're doing right now with that toe that I'm clearly telling you is BROKEN.
Jo: Whatever. Anyway, another reward is that we're going to have lots of fun memories with good friends. One about a train. One about fireworks on Lake Lemon. Another where Wendy takes a funny video of us, and yet another where we'll sing with Wendy at 5:30 in the morning.
Body: Wendy. I knew Wendy was involved in this.
Jo: So are Tim, Becky, Doug, Elise, and Quigley.
Body: Who are Elise and Quigley?
Jo: New friends. See? Already beneficial.
Body: Yeah, I can't refute that. Teamwork is fun. I like to work hard when we're on a team.
Jo: I know. You're good at responding to my requests when we work with others. The bottom line is this, Body: can we do it?
Body: (pause) I don't want to.
Jo: I didn't ask if you wanted to.
Body: I'm going to shred your feet.
Jo: I said, can we do it?
Body: YES, we can do it. You're giving me no sleep, bad food, you're going to forget to take your night medicines until it's almost too late...
Jo: You know me well.
Body: want half marathon race pace over three segments totaling 16 mi. of hilly terrain... but I can do it.
Jo: You're really amazing, Body.
Body: Everybody's Body is.
Jo: I know, but you're special to me.
Body: Gee, thanks. Let's get a race plan going. I don't want to start out too hard and get our heart rate too high right off the bat.
Jo: About that...
Body: Oh, good heavens...

Starting too hard at the
2014 Red Eye Relay

No comments:

Post a Comment